The restaurant incident still bugs me a little. I guess that Charles does not feel as strongly about me as I thought. That is no surprise to me. So, here I am pregnant with twins and two possible fathers. I spent a busy day at work and I just prayed that I did not run into Charles. I did not feel like seeing or talking to him. I did my best to get through the day without throwing up or feeling otherwise sick. I felt ok until I got home that afternoon. As soon as I got to my room, I only had time slip my shoes off before I ran to the bathroom. After that episode, I was leaning my head against the toilet and discovered that my son was standing behind me. He asked me if I was sick with this sad mournful look on his face. I said that I was not feeling well but that I would be okay in a few minutes. With that, he smiled and went to play with toys.
I have not told him yet. I guess it has never been the right time. I know that I will have to do it soon though because he will notice the increased size of my stomach. He is a very smart and observant child. My relationship with my husband Christian is still very rocky. We still are directly speaking to one another even though I am open to conversation. He is understandably hurt by this whole situation and just needs some time to figure things out. I have been working, in my room at home and putting in some quality time with my son. Being with James has been great. We play together, go the park and he even went out to dinner with me. Other than him, I am all alone in this. That is how I have been feeling lately. That afternoon I decide to make dinner. I am thinking that it may be a dinner for two; James and I. In the middle of our meal, Christian walks in and see us at the dining room table talking about James’ school day and giggling a little when he comes over, kisses James on the fore head and says hello to me. I respond accordingly because our son is there. Christian asks if he can join us for dinner. I am completely surprised by this but I tell him that there is food in the microwave and all he has to do is heat it. In the space of five minutes, Christian is seated at the table with us engaging James in a conversation about basketball and occasionally glancing at me. I look at him in wonderment and he smiles at me once. It was not a full smile but a small smirk. I suppose that that was better than nothing but that could just be that way because we were with our son. Even though these thoughts were going through my head, I smiled back. It actually felt good to be on the same page again if even for a moment.
After dinner was finished, I took the plates into the kitchen and washed them. I could hear Christian and James romping in the family room and it brought a smile to my face. I was glad that James was getting all the time and attention that he needs from us. I do not want for him to suffer in a situation that I considered to be all my fault. I finished the dishes and went into the family room to get James ready for bed. I took him into the bathroom, gave him a bath and tucked him into bed. His father was on his to read a book to him, so I kissed him good night and went to my room. I really needed a shower so I eased into the bathroom and scrubbed all the evidence of the day off me. I felt so wonderful being in there that I just stood under the spray for a few minutes. I got out and went to change into my pajamas. I climbed under the covers and got my book to read. Half way down the page, I heard a small knock at the door. I called out James’ name and asked what he was doing out of bed. I got up to answer the door and to my surprise Christian was standing there and not James. He looked serious standing there so I asked what he wanted. He stepped into my room, sat on the bed and said that we had to talk and that he was not leaving until we discussed a few things.
Last modified by Webmaster on Feb 20 2009 12:56PM
