The Talk.
I stared at Christian for maybe a good minute because I was trying to figure out what he wanted to talk about. This comes from a man who has made it a point not to talk to me, to pointedly ignore for the past few weeks. I sit there waiting for him to speak but it looks as if he is gathering his thought so I give him a minute. Christian starts by saying ‘I want you to know that I still love you. You are my wife and I have no intention of leaving you or divorcing you. I am very angry at what you did. It hurts me more than you can understand and it will take a very long time for you to earn back my trust but I want to try and at least be friends for the sake of our son.” I looked at him and I saw the hurt in his eyes. I needed and wanted to something back to him but to find the right words. I took a minute to get my thoughts together and then I said what was on my heart; “Christian, I appreciate the fact that you want to stay married to me. I know that this mess we’re in is my fault but none of this would never have happened if you had paid some more attention to me. I felt starved for love and I went somewhere to get it. I know that we are supposed to talk out things but I did not feel like I could come to you with anything. However, in spite of all that has happened, I would like for us to be friends again.
We looked at each other and silently agreed to take things really slow. Christian then got up said good night, and left my room. I turned out the light and lay down in my bed thinking of everything that has happened. My mind drifted to our wedding day. It was so beautiful. White roses decorated the hall and a combination of lilies and other tropical flowers blended to make it seem like a garden had erupted in the building. Christian and I were so happy that we held hands all through the ceremony. The honeymoon was equally exciting and wonderful. We thought that nothing could touch our love but what a difference a few years has made. We are trying to get along and maintain a very peaceful relationship with each other so that we can be the best parents we can be to our son. I am willing to work at being nice to him so that James can have both of his parents but it makes me wonder if he is asking for us to be friends because he was being honest about how he felt or he just wants to keep his son happy.
I woke the next day with the thoughts of our talk swirling around in my head and with a desperate need to throw up in the toilet. I ran into the bathroom as quickly as I could. After my encounter with the toilet, I stepped into the shower and took a nice warm bath. I got dressed, tried to eat some breakfast and gathered James to drop him off to school. I arrived at work just in time to hear notice a message from Charles on my desk. I stared at it for a brief moment and tossed it aside. I had not spoken to him since that day we saw each other in the restaurant. When it came to the men in my life, I was confused and unsure of what I was feeling. I knew that I have feelings for both men but I do not know how deep those feelings run. I guess that that’s another problem for me to figure out. Am I still in love with my husband or am I in love with the man who swept me off my feet? Half way through day, I glanced over at the messages that Charles had left and decided to read it. He said that it had been a long time since we last saw each other and he wanted to explain a few things. I have another talk to look forward. Right that minute, my desk phone started to ring and I immediately recognized the extension; it was Charles calling.
